Call it an unintentional gift

Release all expectations for future gain…

since, trust me, even though you called it a loan, you’ll never see that cash again.

Tags: Money, vanishing act

Oh, no, do they pee, too?

Mind is like the ocean.

The Duhism Master is unmoved by the crashing waves, refreshed by the still depths, and, frankly, not so crazy about all the fish poop.

Tags: fish feces

I’ll take the mantra behind door number 1

What things/events/etc. cause you to spontaneously utter one of the mantras of Duhism:

duuuuuuhhhhhmmmmmm

Tags: mantra, womantra

I know the earth is spinning, but this is different

The Master of Duhism stands motionless while the entire world moves around him.

The Master had WAY too many sake-tinis last night.

Tags: sock it to me

I slept with the director to get this part

All the world’s a stage, and I keep forgetting my lines and missing my cues.

Tags: fakin' it, Shakespeare

Petting Tzu is out of the doghouse

Thanks to  the contributions of Duhism followers, we now know the actual teaching is:

Live every day as if you could actually pretend that you could live every day as if it were your last.

and if that’s too challenging, try the runner up:

Live every day as if you were starting rehab tomorrow.

Thank you to all the Duhists who helped with this important archival mission.

Tags: every day now

Gimme just a little more time

Our dog, Petting Tzu, ate one of Duhism’s texts and we can’t read the last part.

Which of these seems like the best statement of The Duh to you?

(Voting is now closed.)

Live every day as if…

• it was your 7,516th to last.: 7% (8)
• you were starting rehab tomorrow.: 15% (17)
• it was the last day you believed that saccharine little self-help messages would actually improve your life, somehow.: 12% (14)
• it was Flag Day!: 6% (7)
• you could actually pretend that you could live every day as if it were your last.: 16% (18)
• you were you¹: 5% (6)
• it was going to rain tomorrow¹: 4% (5)
• your mother was moving in with you tomorrow¹: 3% (3)
• duh! as if!¹: 8% (9)
• it was your worst enemy’s last.¹: 4% (5)
• you could justify your existence.¹: 5% (6)
• it was yesterday.¹: 3% (3)
• your death depended on it.¹: 3% (3)
• as if it was Monday¹: 1% (1)
• you couldn’t remember who you were¹: 3% (3)
• you were taking your own life tomorrow.¹: 1% (1)
• …Period.¹: 1% (1)
• it were today.¹: 3% (3)
• The cops couldn’t find you.¹: 2% (2)
• you really do have a life.¹: 1% (1)

 
Total Votes : 116

¹ = Added by a guest

Tags: thanks Stephen Levine