General contractor needed for self-improvement project

The real Bob Tzu cannot be known. I'm serious, I don't know who this guy is!
- Lao Tzu, founder of The Tao

Duhism is good for laughs. And laughter is good for your health. So, Duhism is Barry O'Bamah's healthcare plan.
- Barry O'Bamah

After meeting Bob Tzu I wondered if I was wrong that the smartest, strongest, and most fit are the ones that survive.
- Charles Darwing

My message is to love thy brother as thyself. Bob's message makes me want to smack him upside the head.
- Geez S.

Bob Tzu's understandment of foreign policy are legiondary. He was my true inspirationist.
- G W Busch

Get me some salt and wrap me in a loin cloth. Bob Tzu is the shizzle, ma nizzle!
- Myhat Magandi

One should listen carefully to the words of Bob Tzu... and do NOT do anything he says, I beg of you!
- Allen Watz

To paraphrase my 3 and 1/2 Nobel Truths, "All of Bob is suffering. Attachment to Bob is the cause of suffering. I'm not sure there's a way out of the suffering that comes with Bob."
- Sid Hartha, aka The Booda

After God spoke to me through the burning bush, I ran into Bob Tzu playing with a Zippo lighter. I don't trust that guy.
- Mo Zis

Allah is the one true God and I am his messenger... and Allah has asked me to run over Bob Tzu with a camel.
- Moe Hammed

I want to thank Bob for his career, parenting, and underwear consulting.
-Brittainy Speers

Words cannot define my relationship with Bob Tzu. The restraining order I had to get comes pretty close, though.
-Steevie Mitchall, translator of famous foreign books

Bob Tzu has forever tarnished the name Tzu. And he's pretty much ruined "Bob," too.
- Sunny Tzu, author "The Art History of War"

My hair looks like this as a result of the experience of encountering Bob, which is remarkably like gravity... it sucks.
- Alfred Einstein

As the reincarnation of the Boddhisatva of Compassion, I pray that Bob comes to a painful and messy demise.
- Tension Gyatso, the 13.5th Dalai Lama