December 24, 2009

• Oh, did I miss your house again?

  Tonight is the night when children in my town of Boulder, Colorado leave out soy milk and gluten-free, sugar-free, dairy-free, organic carob chip cookies… and tomorrow will, once again, wonder why Santa didn't leave them anything under their free-range, hormone-free, non-irradiated, Solstice tree in the feng-shui-ed corner.

December 16, 2009

• What if I'm beside myself?

  Bob Tzu says, Never write about yourself in the third person.

December 7, 2009

• I could use a mind eraser

  Neither fire nor wind, birth nor death can erase your good deeds.
  But one photo getting out of a limo without your underwear, well…

December 1, 2009

• Tell me who, who, who, who are you

  I ran into an old friend on the street who exclaimed "Bob Tzu, is that really you?"
  Hmmm.
  How would I know if it wasn't?

October 20, 2009

• Let me tell you something young man

  Advice is always free. And worth every penny.

September 16, 2009

• You didn't hear it from me

  Speak not about what is seen by all, but what is not seen by any. This will get you a free room with nice padded wallpaper

September 4, 2009

• Shine on!

  Just as a gem needs friction for its true beauty to shine, a man needs friction to… uh… shine his beauty.

August 27, 2009

• Ah, what a ride

  Life is like riding a ten-speed bike; we have gears we never use and, after a while, it's a pain in the butt

July 10, 2009

• Yes, Yogi Berra, I'll take it

  I'm at place in life where I have two choices that seem both different AND the same…Yes, I've come to a spork in the road.

June 24, 2009

• Or is it "newage", which rhymes with…

  The New Age — it's all light and love until someone loses a third eye.

June 14, 2009

• Will this be on the final?

  If life is about learning lessons, I recommend going to a community life school, where the lessons are much cheaper, but still pretty good.

June 9, 2009

• I can't find it on the map

  The traveler sees what is there to see, while the tourist worries about somewhere to pee.
  Here's a Duhism Master discussing the perfect product for the tourist:

June 4, 2009

• They've hired a psychic to find the psychic

  The dwarf psychic I go to is running from the law. That's right, my small medium is at large.

May 26, 2009

• Don't go changing… oh, do!

  Don't try changing the people around you.
  Unless those people are babies.

May 24, 2009

• doog ot wonk

  The opposite of bravery is not cowardice, it's yrevarb.

May 11, 2009

• Ah, spring is in the air

  In the big city, it's easy to get caught in the hustle & bustle.  Take a break.
  Sometimes you just need to stop and smell the homeless.

April 27, 2009

• I'm positively negative

  It is bad to harbor any negative thoughts… especially this one.

April 25, 2009

• I'll take the mantra behind door number 1

  What things/events/etc. cause you to spontaneously utter one of the mantras of Duhism:
  duuuuuuhhhhhmmmmmm

April 24, 2009

• I slept with the director to get this part

  All the world's a stage, and I keep forgetting my lines and missing my cues.