February 24, 2010

• What doesn't kill you?

  My cousin Sunny Tzu used to say "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger," until the barbell fell on his head.

February 22, 2010

• Well that's just perfect

  When you can see all beings as divine and perfect, then it's time to cut back on your medication.

February 16, 2010

• Beneficiary with benefits

  A Hindu yogi told me, "I have never been born so I can never die."
  So, I made myself the beneficiary on his life insurance.
  Thanks for the Lexus, dude-ji!

January 3, 2010

• Veracity, Verbosity, and Volume

  Eloquence, conviction, and intensity only make a statement convincing, not true.
  Except this one which, I assure you, indubitably, is a fact!

December 8, 2009

• I just flew in from Cleveland, and gee…

  Am I a man who dreamt he was a butterfly, or a butterfly dreaming he's a man?
  All I know is my feet hurt and my wings are tired.

December 6, 2009

• Well, Snow White…

  If the shoe fits, make sure you get the matching belt.

November 27, 2009

• Oh, this is a thorny thing

  Do not complain of being stung by the thorn of the rose. Nobody wants to hear about your little prick.

November 24, 2009

• Unless I slip on your driveway, that is

  There are no accidents in the universe so, no, I'm not paying for that dented fender.

November 21, 2009

• Shhhhh…

  The real Truth cannot be spoken. Why? Don't ask me, I can't talk about it.

October 25, 2009

• I had to make this post

  I can't resist using discount coupons. Proving there is no buy-one-get-one-free will.

October 21, 2009

• He had jalapeno strength

  My cousin Lao Tzu said "Silence is the source of strength" So true. After we ate Mexican, he was silent but deadly.

October 14, 2009

• Tell me who, who, who, who are you-u-u

  Who you are is beyond your body and beyond your mind.
  Understanding you is beyond me.

September 12, 2009

• I knew I was going to say that

  You know the past cannot be changed. But because in 2 days tomorrow will be yesterday, neither can the future.

September 9, 2009

• Who had the carrot cake?

  We are all one, but, yes, separate checks would be easier.

August 30, 2009

• Just laying around lying

  What if the Truth is a lie?

July 24, 2009

• I ate 30 minutes ago…

  You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf. Or… GET OUT OF THE WATER!

July 20, 2009

• Abracadabra!

  Life is an illusion. But how did I become the assistant who is squeezed into the box about to be cut in half?

July 17, 2009

• What color are the bus driver's eyes

  We are driving the bus of our own destiny. Of course, we lost the map, we're low on gas, and the restrooms need cleaning…

July 13, 2009

• Take one self from column A…

  The practice of Chinese philosophy can lead you to self-realization. But then, an hour later, you'll want to find yourself again.

July 5, 2009

• My deepest fear is getting my toe stuck in a pool drain

  Our deepest fear isn't that we're inadequate, but that we're powerful beyond measure and, yet, still need help to scratch that spot in the middle of our back.