August 14, 2010

• Let me axe you somethin'

  The poet Rainer Maria Rilke said that answers are less important than good questions.
  Oh, really?

July 18, 2010

• Now I'm in a box

  Pythagoras says "a fool is known by his speech, and a wise man by his silence."
  Pythagoras never met a mime.

July 1, 2010

• Ain't that a fact

  If it ain't broke, you're not using it enough.

June 22, 2010

• Lights… camera… no action!

  My cousin, Lao Tzu, preaches "non-action," but that takes way too much effort.

May 12, 2010

• I'm listening…

  I always try to listen to my heart. But my stomach is SO much more convincing.

April 13, 2010

• Mirror, mirror on the wall… holy crap!

  Do not think of anniversaries as reminders that you are getting older.
  That's what mirrors are for.

April 12, 2010

• Well, there goes the neighborhood

  Do not compare yourself to others.
  Especially others who are smarter, richer, thinner, and better looking than you.

March 27, 2010

• I'm doing as hard as I can

  There is no "try," there is only "do." So, do try.

March 26, 2010

• I was blind but now… oh, wait… nope, still blind

  In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man can't convince his buddies that his girlfriend is the hot one.

February 24, 2010

• What doesn't kill you?

  My cousin Sunny Tzu used to say "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger," until the barbell fell on his head.

February 22, 2010

• Well that's just perfect

  When you can see all beings as divine and perfect, then it's time to cut back on your medication.

February 16, 2010

• Beneficiary with benefits

  A Hindu yogi told me, "I have never been born so I can never die."
  So, I made myself the beneficiary on his life insurance.
  Thanks for the Lexus, dude-ji!

January 3, 2010

• Veracity, Verbosity, and Volume

  Eloquence, conviction, and intensity only make a statement convincing, not true.
  Except this one which, I assure you, indubitably, is a fact!

December 8, 2009

• I just flew in from Cleveland, and gee…

  Am I a man who dreamt he was a butterfly, or a butterfly dreaming he's a man?
  All I know is my feet hurt and my wings are tired.

December 6, 2009

• Well, Snow White…

  If the shoe fits, make sure you get the matching belt.

November 27, 2009

• Oh, this is a thorny thing

  Do not complain of being stung by the thorn of the rose. Nobody wants to hear about your little prick.

November 24, 2009

• Unless I slip on your driveway, that is

  There are no accidents in the universe so, no, I'm not paying for that dented fender.

November 21, 2009

• Shhhhh…

  The real Truth cannot be spoken. Why? Don't ask me, I can't talk about it.

October 25, 2009

• I had to make this post

  I can't resist using discount coupons. Proving there is no buy-one-get-one-free will.

October 21, 2009

• He had jalapeno strength

  My cousin Lao Tzu said "Silence is the source of strength" So true. After we ate Mexican, he was silent but deadly.