July 8, 2010

• Who wants to be a millionaire?

  If you're healthy, you are truly wealthy. Because you make a fortune selling a kidney!

May 28, 2010

• Like, uh, really, dude

  Since getting that medical marijuana prescription, I've really gotten in touch with my Higher Self.

May 15, 2010

• I'm exhausted

  The mind needs exercise, just like the body. That's why I'm thinking about jogging.

April 1, 2010

• Do you have that in an infinite?

  Every all-you-can-eat buffet brings me one step closer to my infinite
  potential.

March 5, 2010

• It IS a Miracle!

  The miracle is inside of you.
  Luckily, most insurance policies will cover having it removed.

February 12, 2010

• I can't see what you're saying

  Write this affirmation on a piece of paper: "Age is just a number." Then read it every day… until you need reading glasses.

October 8, 2009

• The workout makes me sweet

  I'm using an exercise video and *gaining* weight!
  Maybe it's the video: Cinnamon Buns of Steel.

September 27, 2009

• Shake it up, then dilute and repeat

  I'm not happy with my homeopath, but he assures me he's doing the least that he can.

September 25, 2009

• Training for the Duhism Olympics

  Duhism is more than a faux-losophy… it also requires extensive physical training… and a bit of elementary physics.

September 10, 2009

• Sez'a you, sesame

  Have faith the size of a mustard seed. Then relish when the results ketchup and get you out of that pickle at the Mayo clinic.

August 1, 2009

• That's a die-et

  Bob Tzu is on the "I could get hit by a bus and die at any moment" diet… so, yes, please pass the hot fudge sauce.

June 25, 2009

• I haven't met my de-duh-ctible

  [caption id="attachment_786" align="alignnone" width="348" caption="Duhism's Opthamologist"][/caption]

June 17, 2009

• Don't be random about this

  Do not allow a day to pass without performing an act of kindness.
  For today's act, seriously, try a new deodorant.

June 12, 2009

• I'll have a misteak

  Vegetarians die healthier.

May 30, 2009

• Can you hear me now?

  Learn to listen to your body and it will tell you everything you need to know to make it fatter.

May 15, 2009

• Southern fried Duh

  From my brother, Billy Bob Tzu:
  If it don't taste better fried, it ain't food.

May 13, 2009

• I need some mental fiber

  A clear mind is your true essence.
  The same cannot be said about your colon.

May 9, 2009

• And chocolate chips don't help, btw

  The results are in.
  Kimchi + peanut butter + egg salad DOES NOT make a good sandwich.
  Trust me on this one.

May 7, 2009

• I'm a hater hater

  I have a severe gluten intolerance intolerance. Just have a bagel already!

May 1, 2009

• No tofu was harmed by this post

  Studies show that eating beef has a severe impact on your health.
  And even more severe for the cow.