January 28, 2010

• Not a warm puppy?

  Happiness is a butterfly. Sit quietly and without expectation and it will alight upon your shoulder, and poo upon your shirt.

January 26, 2010

• I'm going solo

  Don't make demands on others for love. Take love into your own hands.

December 4, 2009

• And getting money is the best way to become rich

  A Duhism sponsored study reveals: Revenge is, by far, the best revenge.

October 5, 2009

• I choose chocolate happiness

  Happiness is a choice. So is dessert. You do the math.

September 22, 2009

• Yes, I know how to spell.

  I try to keep an attitude of gratitude, but on Mondays the best I can do is a sentiment of resentiment.

September 21, 2009

• Broke my foot on the end table of life

  If you always try to look on the bright side, you'll be blinded and then keep bumping into reality.

September 1, 2009

• Happily happy happiness

  True happiness comes from becoming selfless, altruistic, compassionate and hearing that your ex- is miserable since dumping you.

August 18, 2009

• Now with twice the nowness

  I'm in a hurry to be live in the moment, so I'm just taking things 2 days at a time.

August 2, 2009

• Sticks and stones and… ouch. That hurts.

  High self-esteem will protect you from the slings and arrows of people calling you narcissistic and deluded

July 23, 2009

• I'm burning (calories) mad

  It takes more energy to frown than to smile.
  So if you stay upset for another week and you'll finally be able to fit into that bathing suit.

July 6, 2009

• The spleen has an opinion too

  The heart does not choose who it loves.
  The wallet, on the other hand, has quite a bit to say in the matter.

July 2, 2009

• Ah, what do they know…

  After all the rich people reporting that money doesn't buy happiness, why do we still think it will?
  Send your answer to me, along with $100, to…

June 16, 2009

• Hi Sanjay… I mean Sam

  More valuable than eternal happiness is finding someone at tech support who speaks English.

June 13, 2009

• 59…58…57…

  For every minute you remain angry, you have wasted sixty seconds where you could have been bitter and resentful.

June 10, 2009

• Open mind, open wallet

  Keep an open mind at all times… and soon you will own a ShamWow and some Ginsu Knives.

May 28, 2009

• I didn't want to know that

  Ignorance may not really be bliss… but it'll do in a pinch.

May 19, 2009

• Really, it's true

  True happiness comes not from success or fame, but from being thinner and having more hair than everyone at your high school reunion.