December 25, 2009

• Bobbie Sue Tzu knows how to shop

  Look at the present Bobbie Sue Tzu got me! (turn on the captions)

December 5, 2009

• What's that semi-sweet ringing noise I hear?

  My baking is like poetry. You should try my "Ask not for whom the bell tollhouse cookies."

November 28, 2009

• Now that's a tasty treat for the mind

  As a philosopher, for holiday parties I like to bring an enigma wrapped in a paradox wrapped in bacon.

November 13, 2009

• Very, very

  My uniqueness is very one-of-a-kind.

November 5, 2009

• How sweat it is

  I have a special antiperspirant for when I'm sweating the small stuff.

October 31, 2009

• I'll go with "trick"

  On Halloween, I always go out dressed as my Authentic Self. Nobody recognizes me.

October 19, 2009

• Uh, oh, there are plumbing problems, too.

  My body is like a dwelling and I am merely renting it for this lifetime.
  Now, who do I call about this gas leak?

October 6, 2009

• Just not phone, electric, gas, water…

  I welcome change.
  But I prefer bills.

September 8, 2009

• Help find Fluffy

  Can you help find our dog Petting Tzu's friend, Fluffy?

• I'll be reborn again, again

  I hope to be reincarnated as a past-life insurance salesman.

September 5, 2009

• Lucky I have past-life insurance

  Going to the emergency room… slipped off the ladder while reaching for enlightenment.

September 2, 2009

• 'course, success doesn't move me either

  My failures do not discourage or upset me. Thank you, Prozac!

August 17, 2009

• Punking myself

  To combat my tardiness I set my clocks ahead, but it made no difference.
  Maybe 24 hours was too much?

August 11, 2009

• I've also got visions of sugarplums

  If you see the Buddha on the road… I want some of what you smoked!

August 10, 2009

• It must be a sign

  I was following the signs that the Universe was giving me… and then I remembered what it says on my business card: "Sign Painter"

July 25, 2009

• I thought I dropped that class

  Today I am living my dreams. I showed up late for a final exam, unprepared and naked.

July 13, 2009

• The summer of doom

  In High School, I slept through history. So I was doomed to repeat it.

June 18, 2009

• Paws and effect

  Did I teach Petting Tzu to fetch, or did he know my life-long fantasy was to throw a slimy tennis ball until I needed shoulder surgery?

June 16, 2009

• My grade and the word both start with F

  The word failure is not in my vocabulary. Which is why I didn't pass that vocabulary test.

June 9, 2009

• Do I get frequent levitation points?

  I just levitated in from Tulsa and, gee, are my arms not tired.