Thank you Home Depot

Posted by Bob Tzu on Dec 24, 2011 in Ask Bob

The number one item on my bucket list: Buy a Bucket

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It’s a sign

Posted by Bob Tzu on Aug 7, 2011 in Ask Bob

I can tell I’m getting older because now it takes me 20 minutes to stretch and warm up before I can run from my problems.

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This one’s pretty obvious

Posted by Bob Tzu on May 1, 2009 in Ask Bob

Bob Tzu was asked:

What is the most redeeming quality of human nature?

– Xena

Bob Tzu replies:

Clearly the only quality of human nature that would keep other beings from destroying us all is…

that humans figured out how to make chocolate, and then cake and, then, ultimately, chocolate cake.

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Why, of course

Posted by Bob Tzu on Apr 20, 2009 in Ask Bob

Bob Tzu was asked:

Dear Bob,

Why are we here on this planet? What is it all about?  Please explain..Awaiting your response..

Liz Le Serviget

Bob Tzu answers:

Liz,

Typically, the question is asked, “What’s it all about, Alfie?” but that was then and this is now and most poeple don’t remember that song, anyway.

To answer a question as profound as yours, I employed a technique I originally taught to the brother of Ghengis Khan, Chuck A. Khan. Namely, before retiring for the evening, place a glass of warm milk under your bed, hang a lemur who died in his sleep above your bed, and then next to your bed place “an on and a with” (something to write on and something to write with).

As you drift off to sleep, or once the Lunesta kicks in, ask yourself the profound question, over and over and over.

When you awaken, check to make sure the milk and the lemur are still where you placed them (if not, the lemur may not have been dead, after all; they’re very slow), and check to see if an answer from your higher-super-cosmic-conscious-astral-energy body has appeared on the “on.”

So, here’s the answer I was given to your question:

Contrapuntal penguin moccasins eat radioactive Gummy Bears. WASHING MACHINE!

I hope this answer brings you to the state of Balance/Schmalance,
Bob Tzu

p.s. The lemur and the milk are optional.

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