About Bob & The Duh
(Details of Bob Tzu’s history are still being uncovered. If you know some of the missing pieces, please fill them in, below!)
Bob Tzu is the long-lost American cousin of the Chinese Philosopher, Lao Tzu. (“Technically,” Bob corrected, “Lao Tzu’s brother was my father’s sister’s nephew’s uncle, twice removed and once caught wearing nylons.”)
While Lao Tzu is famous for teaching The Tao (“The Way”), Bob Tzu is infamous for teaching The Duh (“Uh, yes way!”).
Where Taoism emphasizes the harmony of opposites, yin-yang, Duhism simply replies, “Balance, schmalance!”
The birth of Bob Tzu is clouded in mystery, and by “mystery” we mean a VW mini-van full of herbal smoke.
It is said that when Bob was born, a circular rainbow could be seen around the sun and etherial music could be heard for miles… of course, it’s also said “Someone left the cake out in the rain; I don’t think that I can take it,” so we’re not sure how much weight we give to what is said.
It’s hard to know how old Bob Tzu is. His birthdate is estimated somewhere between 1962 and 390 BC… the latter was called into question due to the phrase “B.C.” appearing on the birth certificate. Bob often tries to calculate his age in Chinese years, which is impossible as nobody knows how to subtract “wood tiger” from “iron boar.”
Many have argued that Bob couldn’t be an American born 2-and-a-half millenia ago, since there was no America back then. “Oh, really?” Bob replied, “Were you there?”
Some call Bob a dyslexic Zen master, because he sleeps when he’s hungry and eats when he’s tired, and because he’s often found chopping water and carrying wood. Others Call Bob for money he owes them (Bob reminds them that “Happiness comes to those without expectations”).
Bob Tzu always worked behind the scenes, never asking for, nor receiving credit for his many contributions to civilization. Research reveals that Bob was the lead architect of the Washington Monument, claiming that his buxom secretary gave rise to the key design element. Bob was the mysterious 6th Beatle, whose sung lyrics that could only be heard when playing the albums backwards.
Bob is a master of martial arts and crafts. His house is full of macrame throwing stars (which can double as coasters), and he claims he can kill a man by dipping a shirt in colored water — “This is the secret art of tie die.”
Spend any time with Bob, and you will hear stories of the many famous men and women who he has taught. “I had lunch with Rembrandt. We went Dutch.” “I arm wrestled Descartes; he thought, therefore I won!”
Bob Tzu currently lives in the world, and of it, too, with his wife Bobbie Sue Tzu, his brother, Billy Bob Tzu, and their dog, Petting Tzu.