About Bob & The Duh



(Details of Bob Tzu’s history are still being uncovered. If you know some of the missing pieces, please fill them in, below!)

Bob Tzu is the long-lost American cousin of the Chinese Philosopher, Lao Tzu. (“Technically,” Bob corrected, “Lao Tzu’s brother was my father’s sister’s nephew’s uncle, twice removed and once caught wearing nylons.”)

While Lao Tzu is famous for teaching The Tao (“The Way”), Bob Tzu is infamous for teaching The Duh (“Uh, yes way!”).

Where Taoism emphasizes the harmony of opposites, yin-yang, Duhism simply replies, “Balance, schmalance!”

The birth of Bob Tzu is clouded in mystery, and by “mystery” we mean a VW mini-van full of herbal smoke.

It is said that when Bob was born, a circular rainbow could be seen around the sun and etherial music could be heard for miles… of course, it’s also said “Someone left the cake out in the rain; I don’t think that I can take it,” so we’re not sure how much weight we give to what is said.

It’s hard to know how old Bob Tzu is. His birthdate is estimated somewhere between 1962 and 390 BC… the latter was called into question due to the phrase “B.C.” appearing on the birth certificate.  Bob often tries to calculate his age in Chinese years, which is impossible as nobody knows how to subtract “wood tiger” from “iron boar.”

Many have argued that Bob couldn’t be an American born 2-and-a-half millenia ago, since there was no America back then. “Oh, really?” Bob replied, “Were you there?”

Some call Bob a dyslexic Zen master, because he sleeps when he’s hungry and eats when he’s tired, and because he’s often found chopping water and carrying wood. Others Call Bob for money he owes them (Bob reminds them that “Happiness comes to those without expectations”).

Bob Tzu always worked behind the scenes, never asking for, nor receiving credit for his many contributions to civilization. Research reveals that Bob was the lead architect of the Washington Monument, claiming that his buxom secretary gave rise to the key design element. Bob was the mysterious 6th Beatle, whose sung lyrics that could only be heard when playing the albums backwards.

Bob is a master of martial arts and crafts. His house is full of macrame throwing stars (which can double as coasters), and he claims he can kill a man by dipping a shirt in colored water — “This is the secret art of tie die.”

Spend any time with Bob, and you will hear stories of the many famous men and women who he has taught. “I had lunch with Rembrandt. We went Dutch.” “I arm wrestled Descartes; he thought, therefore I won!”

Bob Tzu currently lives in the world, and of it, too, with his wife Bobbie Sue Tzu, his brother, Billy Bob Tzu, and their dog, Petting Tzu.

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20 Comments

cecil
Apr 14, 2009 at 8:19 am

I heard Bob is also a Master of the Martial Art of Origami…He can fold you in seconds!!!


 
Ruby Isabella Jones
Apr 17, 2009 at 12:07 pm

I heard Bob Tzu pointed out money was an illusion and created subprime loans.


 
Flemming
Apr 18, 2009 at 8:43 am

I heard that Bob Tzu can look straight through glass! And dresses!


 
ninety2and5eighths
Apr 18, 2009 at 5:11 pm

I understand Bob Tzu also was a master sniper, at the very least I heard something about Bob and silent but deadly.


 
AmanoJaku
Apr 25, 2009 at 5:08 pm

It is said Bob is a man of unfathomable mystery for several reasons. He doesn’t know what a fathom is, and his depth is considerably less than a fathom.


 
Mathilde
Apr 29, 2009 at 3:42 am

It has been told that the letters of “Bob Tzu” can be rearranged to form “buz bot”. It has also told that the letters of “The Duh” can be rearranged to form “He thud”. This proves that Bob Tzu was an amalagram at one time.


 
Zoe
May 23, 2009 at 6:52 am

You, brotha, are one of the funniest dudes that as tried teaching enlightenment out there. If someone doesn’t get it the conventional way, they’ll surely get it your way. Kudos to your uniqueness!!!


 
John Crewdson
Jun 1, 2009 at 1:21 pm

Having studied Bob’s long lost cousin, Lao Tzu, for the last year and thereby obviously now an expert on the subject, I can definitely see the family resemblance. I’ve also recently learned, through my in depth study of Duhism, that Bob has actually said a few things that make sense over the last millennia. That’s proof enough for me of Bob’s “now unquestioned” heritage.

Birth certificate?!? Birth certificate?!? We don’t need no STINKING BIRTH CERTIFICATE!!


 
Betty Lou Tzu
Jun 2, 2009 at 3:19 am

Bob where have you been all my life? I am your second cousins sisters niece three times removed by divorce. I have your birth scroll that proves you are here and have been forever. We are all holding hands and chanting in a circle waiting for you in Tzu Ville.


 
Tray
Jun 5, 2009 at 6:44 pm

Hey Bob Tzu, I realized after careful thought and research, self realization , a great epiphany has occurred in my reality. Here is proof; My mother told my brother and I that she had to put our Dog Billy Joe to sleep. We both looked at here puzzled and asked(in our twenties by the way) Is he dead? Proof that we are direct Kin. I am Tray Tzu. proving you are my lost cousin from kinfolk in Arkansas. Descendants who once traveled Tibet and have the cell memory and past life imprints of Duhism. I miss you just cuz.


 
Bob Tzu
Jun 5, 2009 at 7:19 pm

A pleasure to meet all long-lost Tzu’s. Be on the lookout for an invite to the family reunion, Tray!


 
Tray
Jun 6, 2009 at 4:43 am

I can’t wait! Will it be a potluck? I can bring duh-salad.


 
Shanna
Jun 10, 2009 at 6:57 pm

Bob is really Count de Saint-Germain…plain and simple


 
Bob Tzu
Jun 10, 2009 at 7:04 pm

And Petting Tzu is Count de Saint-Germain Shepherd


 
T
Jun 18, 2009 at 11:06 am

I once heard bob had his own brand of unsense sticks. unhelpful meditations result from every one.


 
DJC
Jul 18, 2009 at 6:39 am

I’m not sure I understand the complex thought behind the use of the Times New Roman font. Does this imply a renewal of the Empire through the twisting of time using the power of the Duh? Or am I completely missing the point/period?


 

[…] treat.  Yep you guessed it; it’s time for another quote from the infamous Master of Duhism, Bob Tzu.  For those of you who don’t know Master Tzu, he’s the long-lost American Cousin of […]


 
He's Spartacus
Oct 13, 2009 at 4:22 am

Bob (or Hey You, as his loyal throng of devotees are wont to address him) was the first to nominate Barack Obama for the Heisman Trophy, the FIFA World Player of the Year, and the Best Actress in a Support Bra Academy Award.


 
DUH-UHHH
Jan 22, 2010 at 10:46 pm

the last time i met bob tzu my hemoglobin began to tremble!


 
Brian
Feb 26, 2010 at 2:29 pm

Oh no! Neo-Nazis have misappropriated Bob Tzu’s philosophy and used it in a new manifest titled “Mein Duh.”


 

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